Do you have the right people in your life – Pt. 2

Consider the following questions: 1. Do they pressure you into spending too much of your time with them, or can you say “no” to their wishes and still be accepted? 2. Can they hear and respect your “no” when they push you further than you want to go? 3. Do they allow you the freedom to have different opinions, values, and wishes than they do, or do you feel like you must somehow be a “clone” of what they want you to be? 4. Do you feel like your choices are respected? 5. Is it “their way or the highway?” These are hard questions to answer, but it’s extremely important to have boundaries in a healthy relationship. #3: Perfectionism Let me ask you a question, Are you perfect? Was your answer NO!!!, That’s because everyone makes mistakes! What matters in a relationship is how each person reacts to those mistakes. Another important area to consider is the way a relationship handles the imperfections of each person. In this world, we aren’t going to be perfect, or find a perfect person. Expecting yourself or the people in your life to be perfect is unrealistic! What is realistic is having a good understanding of how each person deals with the imperfections in the relationship. Have you ever been in a friendship where you felt some pressure to be “ideal” or perfect? The fallout of that kind of friendship can be difficult at best, and disastrous at worst. If you stay in a friendship that requires you to “be perfect,” you can end up feeling like it is not OK to be yourself, to be real with your faults and imperfections, and to make mistakes. That is not the kind of feeling you want! Think about these questions: 1. Is it OK with your friends when you are “less than ideal”? What happens in your relationship when you gain a few pounds or don’t look exactly like your partner wants you to? Or if you are not as successful as an “ideal” partner would be? 2.When you make a mistake, do you feel the freedom to confess to them that you failed? 3. Are you free to be your total real self with your friends? Can you reveal your faults and parts of yourself that aren’t so great? 4. Are there “image pressures” in the relationships? Do you feel the pressure to appear to be something that you aren’t, and wish that you could just be yourself? It’s impossible to be perfect, and it’s important to learn from your mistakes so you can grow. Make sure you are in a friendship with someone who will support you through your mistakes. Chances are you will both learn and grow from them! #4: Equality The last quality we will look at is the ability for significant others to see you as an equal in the relationship. This works well for a young child and a parent, but in adult friendships, dating relationships, and marriages, it fails if one partner is not seen as worthy of respect. In short, it has to do with being dominated. Dominating relationships are very immature and lead to stunted emotional growth in both people. These relationships may be comfortable but are more often miserable and extremely limiting. And being under the control of another person doesn’t lead to intimacy (trust me). When determining if your relationship has equality problems, consider these questions: 1. Do you feel that the other person always must be in the superior position? 2. Do you frequently feel like a child around them? 3. Do you feel dominated and put down, even in a nice way? 4. Is there a judgmental quality to your relationship? These character issues help relationships last and grow. No matter how attractive someone is, or how much we like them, if they have the character problems we just looked at, you are looking for trouble. In choosing your next significant relationship, consider these traits as carefully as you look at whatever else draws you to the person. If you want to make a positive change in your life, remember, the people around you have a critical influence on your energy, growth, and probability of success. Positive people bring out the best in you and make you feel motivated and happy. They help you when you’re in need, encourage you to go after your dreams and are there to celebrate your successes or support you as you move past your challenges. Choose the people in your life wisely.